Hayduke Blues

*I wrote this two weeks ago and forgot about it… sleep deprivation strikes again…

Hi all!

It’s been a busy month and a half again! The baby has me in a foggy addled state. We’ve been getting outside on the nicer days but between my recovery from the c-section and Princesses recovery I haven’t felt like getting out much.

Plus we’ve been hit by snow a couple times.

I’m a wannabe sleeper at the moment; there are days I want to hibernate. I have the fat for it… yeah my work out plan has taken a sharp turn off a high cliff. I need to get back on target or soon I will need to buy new pants.

I’m also a little worried about my mental health this year. Normally, I get a bout of seasonal depression during the winter. I’ve written about it before so I won’t bore you with those details. But this year is different. The baby and the normal baby blues is rearing it’s head but I haven’t had any severe postpartum depression. Then there is the elephant in the room: COVID-19.

Due to that, my side of the family didn’t get to come up for the birth of my son nor are they going to get to see him in person anytime soon. I. Hate. It.

It’s made me feel a tad isolated.

However, I’m trying to stay positive and I’ve been calling home a lot more and trying to do video calls. It’s a work in progress.

Enough of the maudlin stuff.

So what’s new you ask? I’m watching documentaries!

*crickets*

Most people don’t like documentaries. My husband barely tolerates when I watch them.

However, I’m living vicariously through real life drama… and as long as I’m feeding Hunter or giving him cuddles he doesn’t care what I watch.

Hunter!

While I’ve watched everything from politics to the two documentaries on Fyre Fest, I’ve decided to stick to ones tied to my blog.

I just recently watched a documentary on the Hayduke Trail called Figure it Out on the Hayduke Trail. 812 miles in the desert criss crossing Arches, Canyonlands, the Grand Canyon, and Zion. It would be a fun hike but I don’t know if I could complete it without figuring out a way of carrying a ladder in Canyonlands…

I’m *ahem* below average height (barely above 4’11) and watching some of the stuff Money Shot (Alex Maier) went through I’d either need the ladder or a partner. I would love to section hike it at some point in time. I would also have to get into much better shape and get more experience backpacking in desert conditions.

My stars, how I miss the Grand Canyon. Only there once and all I want to do is go back. Partly to hike it again but also to raft down the Colorado River.

I wonder how to make it a family hike but I don’t think Hunter’s up for and I don’t think Wade and I could get the time off…

In other news, I’ve about finished all my writings *I decided to set a goal of posting on all my sites at the same time with stuff related to my labor experience and it’s taking time to get everything done.*

I’ll have the post about the weeks leading up to Hunter’s birth and the labor story posted soon- my self imposed deadline is Thursday but I no longer make promises….

I started a TikTok account…please come laugh at my efforts.

We also got an adorable puppy! Meet Freya!

Keep wandering,

BJ

P.s. send coffee…

Winter Time Slide…

img_0200Ugh… I did it again. I let the blog go for almost three months. I just lost motivation. I was half way through writing about my honeymoon trip and just lost it. I’ve picked that piece up and hopefully will have it out by the end of the week. I’d like to say that I was just catching up on some “me” time and was out exploring cool sites but I can’t.

I had a round with depression. It was situational, stemming from a couple factors and I’m better now.

Part of it stemmed from the shutdown, as some of you know I work for the federal government, and the scrambling involved. I wound up pulling extra shifts on my local ambulance and picked up a job waiting tables- more out of boredom than anything. I hate sitting still unless I’m trying to get a great shot or reading a good book. Still it’s a little demoralizing when people say you’re non-essential and should go look for another job, etc. etc. I love my job and the term “non-essential” just means the place won’t burn down if I’m not there.

This is one reason I didn’t get out and hike in some of the cooler places around my home- in a show of solidarity I stayed off public lands- I didn’t want to contribute to the extended workload of the poor folks who were deemed essential. I think the staying home gave me cabin fever though and contributed to my bout of depression.

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Horrible lighting but wanted to show my ice formations…

On top of that we had a round with what I deemed sub-arctic weather (at least for my southern Missouri roots), it got bone-chilling cold for several days. Especially with the windchill, we were looking at -20 plus days in a row for a while. I really didn’t want to leave the house on those days. I did mainly to walk the dog but I was wearing lots of layers and I was still cold. One day my sunglasses froze over from the condensation while wearing a baklava.

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Now, it’s just snowing on and off with temps above zero but I’m a wimp. Plus when the drifts are up to your thighs in places, well for me most people it might hit there knees/shins, it makes hiking in the snow without snowshoes a pain. (Come on next Christmas).

However, these two main factors mixed in with a few smaller things just messed with me mentally. I’ve always thought of myself as a happy person and thought depression would never be a problem but the stressors really affected me this time around. I didn’t want to slide any further than I did so I talked to some counselors and that helped. My husband is amazing- he let me rant about everything and told me it would be okay.

I also started working out more indoors, I have a treadmill in the basement that I got for winter days and I really put the miles on it- I also invested in a little stair stepper. I started reading all the time- which was always my go too. Or I was torturing my dog with photos. I got a new iPhone and was playing with the camera. I was coming out of my funk when we hit day 35 and I found out I would be going back to work.

I’m doing better and I’ve got my motivation back. Well, for writing and planning hikes this summer. I’m still not thrilled with the “feels like 3 degrees” days and I’ll be “patiently” counting down the days till spring. Plus the two nights waiting tables a week will help fund my “winter clothing collection” for next year…

To happier trails,

BJ

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Just stop with the photos!